‘Last night I had the strangest dream’ – Matthew Wilder
I had a vivid dream the other night. I was at some sort of family gathering. Maybe it was Thanksgiving, maybe something else, but whatever it was, it was a major league affair. We’re talking Bilbo Baggins’ eleventy-first birthday party. Everyone was there – parents, grandparents, children, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, and spouses. The weird thing was that there were more people there than are actually in my family. It was as if an extra 500 people had been grafted into the family tree for the occasion. This made things super cool, I thought, since my family was now a representation of humanity. There were people of every race, nationality, and ethnicity. It was a foretaste of what heaven on earth will one day look like. I didn’t know everyone from real life, but in my dream, they were all part of my family.
Including Uncle Ned.
I don’t actually have an Uncle Ned. But I’ve heard people on the news talk about him from time to time. Uncle Ned is a name I’ve heard bandied about on TV in reference to that guy who seems to be in everyone’s family tree and who causes trouble at family gatherings. The guy who can’t keep his mouth shut and winds up offending everyone present.
Yes, it was that Uncle Ned. And he proceeded to do just what all proverbial Uncle Neds do.
He started off by talking about ‘colored people.’ He launched into an incoherent rant about NFL protests that before long morphed into a nostalgic longing for the ‘good old days’ when people knew their place. Looking around the room at African American family members, he suggested that none of them had been born in America, that their birth certificates proved it, and that if they had trouble with what he was saying, they really should just get over it. ‘After all,’ he said, ‘Slavery ended hundreds of years ago. What do you have to be so upset about?’
He moved on to immigrants and refugees. He said that ‘bad hombres’ and terrorists were ‘invading’ the country and that we had to do something to get them all out of America. They were taking all our jobs. They were spreading disease. And why the hell couldn’t they learn English? Uncle Ned found it particularly horrific that voicemail systems kept asking him to ‘press one’ for a Spanish menu. It was a sure sign the world was going to hell in a hand basket. He advocated for a wall to keep people from coming in, and immigration policies that favored nations populated by white, English-speaking people. ‘Why,’ asked Uncle Ned, ‘do we have to keep taking in all these people from s—thole countries? They don’t belong here. Put ‘em in cages!’
By this time, many of the attendees were deeply offended and hurt. But Uncle Ned was just getting started. He began riffing on the mentally and physically handicapped, speaking in a slurred voice and gesticulating with his hands as if he suffered from some type of palsy. Everyone sat in shocked silence as Uncle Ned laughed his way through his routine.
Next came the women. Boy did he have a lot to say about them. I won’t even repeat it. As he made his way around the room, he groped several of the ladies present. He said that he would probably date them if they weren’t his relatives. Their horrified looks and tears meant nothing to him. When some protested, he made demeaning comments about their appearances.
This prompted a response. Uncle Bob, who had served in the military, including time as a prisoner of war, told Uncle Ned he needed to settle down. Ned just laughed in his face. ‘Who the heck are you to talk to me? You think you’re a hero? I prefer heroes who don’t get captured.’
Uncle Ned didn’t stop there. He attacked a nephew who worked for a newspaper, calling him an enemy of the state. He told an LGBT family member he was a disgrace to his family. He called a politically liberal cousin a communist. He said that anyone in the room who disagreed with him was unpatriotic. He proceeded to announce to several present, who apparently worked for Uncle Ned in his business, that they were fired because they hadn’t stood up for him as they should have. He ran about the room like a school yard bully, disparaging everyone.
In my dream I was doing a slow burn all the while. I kept wanting to speak up but for some reason could not (you know, like in those dreams when you are trying to run away from something and can’t move). But finally, I found my voice. I told Uncle Ned to shut up. I told him we had no room in our family for racism, xenophobia, and the rest. I told him that if he couldn’t behave himself and treat people respectfully, he needed to leave immediately.
And that’s when everyone cheered. My entire family, both those who are members of it in real life and those who were just part of it for the dream, chimed in and told Uncle Ned they felt the same way. And when Uncle Ned responded by stating that the Constitution gave him the right to do and say whatever he wanted without fear of repercussion, we somehow collectively grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the back door.
I woke with a start. It had only been a dream. But the thought that came to mind was this: of course my family had stood up to Uncle Ned. I mean, seriously, who on earth would ever condone such behavior? What decent person would ever, under any circumstances, defend Uncle Ned? How insane would anyone have to be to support the likes of him?
It was then that I remembered: 46% of America elected him President.
And are poised to do it again.
I tried to go back to the solace of sleep but could not.
Some nightmares are all too real.
Under Christ’s Mercy,
Brent
Photo courtesy of Dyaa Eldin on Unsplash